Despicable Me

Despicable me
Rating: PG
Grade: F -8

Despicable me… you bastard…

This movie was horrible. I was bored and wanted to die.

Really… I wanted to die. Instead of dying I actually asked if I could leave but my wife said that she wanted to stay and see if it got better.

Remember in the horrible movie Little Nickey with Adam Sandler, where he does that voice and the facial tick the whole movie. Super annoying and the movie sucked anyway, but it sucked EVENMORE. Steve Carrel did it this movie with just his voice. His horrible fake accent takes away from every line and every moment. So since the movie starts as a 0, it moves into negative territory. (-1)

Oh cute girls that win a mean hearted guy… wait a second…

I have seen this before… literally that 2-year-old super cute girl… I have seen her before (-1):

The plot is dumb… a bad guy steals the pyramid which makes another bad guy insecure. So bad guy #2 (our star Gru), adopts kids to get into a house to steal a shrink ray to steal the moon, so that he can prove he’s the best criminal… cause his mom didn’t love him. Wait... .WAIT A MINUTE! They have a character lady, a fat woman who abuses little kids and puts them in a box for weeks at a time in this movie. She is literally a much worse person than ANY of the bad people. There is literally no resolution at all for this. (-2)

The music was awesome… seriously thru out the movie I was thinking about how I liked the mixes, the transitions. It’s the same melody or beat as in the commercial… kind of awesome. One of the first credits that rolled, (grateful it was first cause I was out of that theater fast) was Pharrell Williams. You might know of him from the Neptune’s, or N.E.R.D. or maybe because he’s freaking Pharrell Williams. This is the one and only good thing about the movie.

I cant convey how bored I was.

It felt like the whole thing was an ad to get me to go to McDonalds and get a happy meal with these little yellow Twinkie guys. There occasional slapstick humor was funny for a second. Not really like laugh out loud funny, but it made me smile. While the movie and actual characters made me want to die, that was actually a pretty big accomplishment.

I’m not kidding about the boredom or lack of laughter.

You know how sometimes you will go to a movie and an idiot is laughing behind you? well if you have never had that experience, you are probably that idiot and you might like the movie. The guy behind me and his wife sure enjoyed it. They said things like, “look its an alligator couch, HA HA HA!” or “He punched the shark, HA HA HA!”, not fake laughter mind you, real, full, hearty, laughter. So if that’s your brand of humor, enjoy.

As for the rest of the audience, including kids, there weren’t many laughs. There was a point where the 3 girls are at a dance recital, in the movie the recital starts, then they cut to Gru and its over. A kid near the front of the theater turned to his dad and loudly declared, “That dance thing was fast!” the entire audience erupted. Pure laughter. We wanted to laugh, everyone wanted to laugh… this movie sucked so bad it robbed people that WANTED to laugh of a chance to. (-5)

Also… the minions are kind of cute.. (+1)

It gets an F though!

I haven’t written numerical ratings and I don’t plan on it… lets just call this a -8 F.

With this cast it should have been an easy A.